mystery bruise

mystery bruise
Originally uploaded by jessica m

This was supposed to look like my lovely lady Kristin, but for some reason it didn't come out the way I envisioned. It doesn't matter because there is much Kristin inspired art coming in the future. I have so many of her photos saved it's ridiculous!

I actually got so much done this week, but packing and getting ready for my north by northwest adventure has had me kind of caught up.


I read this spooky story when I was really young about a girl who always wore a ribbon around her neck. One day someone pulled the ribbon from her neck and her head fell off and rolled across the floor.

If I still had my dear PSP, I would write blog entries while I was away, but someone broke it. Now I cannot look at porn in the coffeehouse and giggle. Now I cannot check the weather, unless I do it at home. I miss my PSP internet, movie, music, and game playin.

Supersecret: I enjoy GTA San Andreas. I should not even have time for that shit.

pour tuer et créer

So, I cannot find my battery charger or my other set of batteries. I need both to use my camera again. I have large drawings to photograph, mystery notes to do, and we are leaving soon to go up north. I pretty much need to find these things NOW.

I recently had the pleasure of seeing my long lost best friend Lupe. She is amazing. I love her. I cannot wait to see her again. I am going with her to get her next tattoo, it's going to be gorgeous!

la fille avec toi

I don't like easter. Sorry Jesus, furreal.

sizzurp

What would I do without the hip-hop community? I mean it, I really do.

A while back my little sister had some codeine cough syrup. She hated it because it had the same taste and consistency of shampoo. Now, neither of us drink shampoo, it's just what I imagine it would taste like. I liked it because it didn't make my stomach hurt, like codeine pills do. I think it made Rob hallucinate once.

All this time I equated "purple drank" with the stuff at the stores that's purple sugar and doesn't cost as much as grape juice, I was so wrong. "Purple drank" is really codeine cough syrups, as well as a variety of other cough syrups and cough syrup cocktail concoctions. How did this escape my attention?

Purple Drank



I am sure that high school kids everywhere are trying their hardest to fake Bronchitis!

the heavy, heavy weight of an invisible anxiety

the heavy, heavy weight of an invisible anxiety
Originally uploaded by jessica m

I never do anything for illustration Friday. I think it's dumb. If I do, it's all posthumous attribution.

I got illustration attitude via Flickr, for doing this. I guess I am supposed to create something new with the illustration Friday topic in mind. I can't attribute the topic to something I have already done. I can't break the rules, and there are oh so many rules. I have never been good with rules, organization, or tags. Tags.....are stupid. As if a title and description isn't enough, we need more vocabulary. Oh, and the image has to be relevant to the topic by their standards, not mine.

I guess illustrators and artists are two totally different breeds. If I can't get through the eighteen plus projects currently rolling around in my head and on my desk, how I am going to do a piece of work revolving around one word, in only a few days?

Maybe an illustrator can do that, maybe I could do that in illustrator? Maybe I'm not an illustrator, and all of these illustrations I have done are just drawings. I could care less.

The illustration Friday topics are always so fucking cheesy and G-rated! Garden, plain, heavy, leap, soar, stitch, blanket. Illustration Friday is a wet-dream for unambitious graphic designers and illustrators of mediocre children's books.

If they ever decided to have grown up topics I would participate more often. These are several topics that would make it much easier for me to participate:

death
whore house
overdose
blood
anxiety
euphoria
fear
methadone
adult
etiquette
opiate
despair
atrophy
sedation
holiday
depravation
transportation
apathy
sex
nakedness
regret
conspiracy
autoscopy
woman in trouble
degradation
obscenity
addiction
insatiable lust
intense greed
mania
appetite

I need to start my own subversive illustration Friday for grownup's with bad thoughts and horrible habits.

So, if you're reading this. I have used illustration Friday, broke the rules, and now I admit this is a meek attempt at luring people to my blog.

Let the hatin' begin, or the complete silence, perhaps.

their mouths full of wishes

One of the advantages of being with someone for a long time, is that you can sense when they are going to do something totally goofy. You learn to just roll with it.

We had a fantastic weekend, and when you find yourself temporarily unemployed the weekend starts on Thursday.

So, Thursday Times of Desperation played at R5 on Thursday night. I finally got to meet Skinner's lady, and she is a delight!
I took several digital video clips of them playing, I was going upload one, but I decided I would let Rob do that here.

Yes, that is right Rob M. has a blog! In the above picture, he is the one with the beard! It's about music and his daily struggles with things that I barely understand. It's interesting and well-written, and I am not even saying that because I like him, or even because he likes me. The way his brain works is fascinating. He is a great photographer too, yes, Rob, you, upload, now.

So, I had two very close friends who had birthdays recently. They're family to me, in fact, they know this blog exists, whereas my real family does not (with the exception of my sister with the golden hair). I decided to do a painting for Lady C. for her birthday, and I did a drawing for Biaggio.

I didn't want to scan them, but I took a few pictures so I could look at them. I worked really hard on my art nouveau style smoke coming out of that joint. Hell yes, ladies and gentlemen, it's a joint. It's distorted because of the crappy lens on my exquisite camera. That's Playboy's Miss May 1955.

For the lady of the house, I painted one of her photos. How did she take a picture in outer space? It's her secret. It came out neat, with all kinds of textures and layers that won't show up in this photo, for sure. I am still going to do one more for her. It's a pretty big deal for me to do these for them, because I totally love them and I seem to be really bad at giving people art.
It only works if it isn't their idea for me to make it in the first place. No one in my family ever wants anything I draw, they always want me to draw something for them.

So, today I have a flier to finish before I get deep into some work I am doing for Kristin. I love Kristin because her loves are my loves, and we always seem to be on the same pages about how things ought to be done.
She has let me pillage her collection of photos and now I am so up to my neck in pure inspiration that the only way out is to draw until my hands fall off! I imagine that I will spend the rest of the day here:
You can't tell but there is a drafting table in the lower left corner. Don't you love my photographic slight of hand? It's not photoshop, my hand just covered up half the flash!


Oh, I finally finished watching Naked Lunch. It was wonderful. I watched almost all of it last week, but I was fucked up on Valium and couldn't remember whole parts of the movie!

Anyway, I strongly advocate the hat and suit approach to mens fashion. Come on, if you are a reasonably cool, creative, interesting, dude who just happens to be getting up there in age, what better way to separate yourself from aging bro's and men who dress like little boys, than to go all out in a suit and hat?

I am always on the block.

hot blonde
Originally uploaded by jessica m

I did this a few days ago.

This is my first experience using a watercolor block, and I love it. I have a 6x9 Canson block, it's okay. I like the Arches better, even though I noticed that they're made by Canson.

Thursday

THURSDAY night Times of Desperation are playing with Iguanadon at R5 on Broadway. It will surely slay. It is free. It is all ages.

It makes me hella happy to know that my real life friend Catherine occasionally peeks at my stuff. Including this blog. Hi Catherine! Yes, you.

Cathrn, this is for you. It's a Hustler pictorial.

Some of us don't know the value of the hustle. Not the dance, but the lifestyle. Sometimes you can't understand the value of hustling, because you were raised in a "middle-I mean upper-middle class family." Some of us know she may not be perfect, but she has perfected the art of female hustlin'. She's one of the wealthiest female entrepreneurs ever! She wrote a book, she invented a fashion line or five, she has a show!

Some of us that like hustlin', probably like weed too, and sometimes get arrested. Oops girl, no biggie. Cutest mugshot ever.
Some of us don't know the value of a hand-made, custom designed Louis Vuitton bag, or even a whole closet full. Though I would say, in the millions? Some of us don't know that Louis Vuitton's monogram first appeared in 1895. Girls who want to wear vintage Chanel probably don't know that LV brought back the logo at Audrey Hepburn's request in 1963. They probably only know about it because Marc Jacobs brought it back in 2001.

Just one of KLS' closets, how about the chandelier? You know you're classy when you have a chandelier in your closet, or your bathroom.

Speaking of Chanel: KLS' first modeling contract had her hustling the runway in Paris at age 14, exclusively under the direction of Karl Lagerfield for none other than Chanel!
Some of us might find it totally obnoxious that she uses herself as primary mode of promotion for her clothing lines. However, when you are a hustler and a super-model, what better way is there to represent your company? Maybe some people find this obnoxious because KLS has long legs and big titties. Not everyone is blessed with the ample femininity of KLS! Some of us have the figure of a four year old little boy.

So, she might not come off as particularly smart, but maybe that's part of her business plan. I mean, she has to have some sort of a business plan, look at her!

She is an inspiration to me, it might not come across in my art work, but you'll see it when the day comes that my bathroom has a chandelier, and you'll know that I'm a hustler (or that I went to Ikea, or both.)

feed your head

Valium, once again!

Integrity is hella important. I think that is one of the biggest lessons I learned at the Art Institute del San Francisco.

For instance, I recently came across a painting of Mark Ryden's that I found quite upsetting. It was something I had already dreamt up, and he apparently beat me to the punch. His was exactly what I had envisioned. Am I going to do it now? No.

There is a difference between borrowing shapes, colors, and ideas and building on them, and then there is just straight stealing.

white skirt

white skirt
Originally uploaded by jessica m

People on the internet respond really well to titties.

While drawing with the pen I sort of screwed up some fingers, if you haven't noticed yet, don't look.


So, I went shopping with my mom and the whole trip made me remember why I hate America.

First, we pull up to the same gas station we always go to, and there a very nice homeless veteran who always sits near the door. I was able to give him a few dollars today, but I have about twelve dollars and four cents to my name. This nasty bitchcuntwhore drives up and parks her HUGE American SUV about three feet right in front of him! Her head lights probably blinded the poor guy. I thought she might hit him, as if not having a home isn't enough. She gets out of her car and starts smoking and talking to an old worn out whore with one foot in the grave, in a GIGANTIC super American TRUCK which is totally blocking the exit of the gas station. My mom whose mouth is just as foul as mine rolls down her window and says "why don't you get the fuck out of the way selfish bitch" and we ride off into the sunset.

All of it made me realize that I hate you America. I hate people who get angry when I say that I hate America. I am an American, I have the freedom to hate whatever I want. SUCKAS!

Another reason: no veteran should be homeless for any reason, unless he wants to be. I am not in support of the military or the government at all, but I think if you sacrifice yourself for this country (though I don't know why you would), then you shouldn't ever have to be homeless.

Medical care, what really needs to be said. It's a tragedy, the richest country in the world, hella no health care. I am one of the uncovered and I must say, it sucks. My grandfather died of cancer in 1989, there were men from the secret service there on his death bed to make sure he wouldn't spill any secrets, this I remember well. He wanted to write a book, but the government said "NOno NONONO no" and never trusted him again. He almost died for them, and they were there when he died. It only took five months.

My mom had cancer, this is what brought me back to Sacramento. Are we trying to fix cancer, HELLLLLL NO! Capitalism is not conducive to good health. Chemotherapy and radiation are big money makers. We're not going to cure cancer, until we find a cure for insatiable greed.

Another thing, I just hate capitalism in general. It seems more prevalent and horrible than ever, especially in places like Natomas. Natomas disgusts me, yet delights me, because it could flood and I can imagine it. I really don't even like money, I feel happier broke. I've seen both sides, I've been well off and I've been dirt poor and let me tell you, poor is better for me.



So, I told my mom I wanted to move out of the country. To Switzerland or maybe Austria. If Austria is good enough for the family Von Trapp, than it's good enough for me.

my head as clear as a bell

Art is truly the only thing I have ever cared about. As a child all I did was draw. I would draw beautiful women and decadent clothing. I would draw all day and all night. During class, during recess, on my homework.

My mom recently told me that if I ever became pregnant not to get an abortion, but to let her raise it. The baby would hate her and then hate me for giving it to her.


I find big hair to be absolutely necessary.

My weakness is Mexican food. I also have a weakness for a Mexican. Now I'm fat, but we're totally happy.

I procrastinate because I love working under pressure.

I drink alot of coffee.

I would hem David Lynch's pants if he wanted me to.

I can make clothes from patterns, I can make patterns from scratch, but I never do because I hate to sew.


My record collection is the only evidence that I have ever held a job.

I love really old Playboys, pre-Barbie Benton only.

I come from a long line of photographers and pilots.

My grandmothers and Rob's grandmother, rest in peace, are my idols.

I have recently reconnected with two lovely ladies that I've missed.

Physical fights keep breaking out around me when I leave my house.

Richard St. Ofle is my favorite artist in Sacramento.

I love horror movies.

I collect old handbags, shoes, dresses, jewelry and basically anything weird.

I hate southern California.

I'm Swedish. I still have family there, and I would like to meet them.


Rob calls old people "pre-corpses" and it totally makes me laugh.

I live in the hood and I love it.

I have a painting for a friend that needs finishing.