heartbroken

Ok, I just saw the projected electoral votes and Barack Obama has won. This is just as the California polls are closing. This an amazing, magical thing.

Im so nervous about Prop 8! I will be heartbroken if it passes. I have always felt that gay people should be allowed to marry. That seems natural to me. I have so many close friends that are gay and truly in love. " What if Richard and Corine couldn't marry? Jackie O and JFK? Michelle and Barack? Heterosexual couples have been fucking up marriage really bad for a very long time, let someone else give it a try!

It still comes down to legal issues, you should be able to enter into a legal agreement with anyone you want.

I cannot believe that any out of state interests would be allowed to have any sway in this matter.

"I throw your dad a fitty, there aint nothin that the catman can't do!"

A few minutes ago I signed into my gmail account and checked out my dear friend Richard St. Ofle's blog to see that he had posted a Kiss video. I clicked play then fumbled around for the cord to my speakers, plugged it in, and turned up the volume hoping it was my favorite Kiss song "Strutter" and IT WAS!!!

So, in honor of funny costumes and Rock and Roll here is my other favorite Kiss song "Black Diamond" sung by the original Catman!

Look for the funny wig twirling thing Paul always does about 1:20 through the video.

I made you a Rush mixtape.

I've been pushing myself to paint as much as possible lately, even though I have been excessively busy. I've produced some of my favorite work recently, inspired heavily by Mr. Egon Schiele.
My old computer died suddenly and Rob and I impulsively bought a mac, well, my scanner doesn't work with it. It won't at all.

So, I am joining the iWorld finally, I bought my first ipod. I swore I never would and here I am, waiting anxiously. This is why they are evil. I must be evil too because I can't wait for it to show up!


In other news, I have been sick. Very sick. My ear is hurts so bad. Everything sounds too loud or too quiet.

I am here.

Twenty five thousand works that are new, coming soon.

acting out fears

I eat dust.

I recently spent a week in San Francisco celebrating Rob and my best friend Lupe's birthdays. We managed to buy some Polaroid pack film (3.25x4.25) and give it a try. It's sad that they decided to discontinue the film.

This is Rob on Lupe's "balcony." It's not really a balcony, it's the covered area above her front door and a bad place to play if you are drunk. I've noticed if I push the exposure the photos develop a nice blue cast.

There is amazing potential for tricky multiple exposures.

After a little practice I figured out how to make some lovely mistakes.

This creepy picture was taken by Rob.

Other than that, I have been so tired. We now serve alcohol at the Javalounge, so by all means, come by, get drunk, and leave me a much larger tip than you intended to.

Now, I am going to go paint mermaids and girls with no arms.

emotion revealed as the ocean made a clearer future; morning, evening, nights with you

http://MisforMurder.etsy.com


Look out for stuff coming as soon as possible!

ok, ok, I put some stuff up!



I have been so busy. This might be the busiest I have ever been in my whole life. I am just dreaming of the moment I can relax and bask in the glory of having nothing to do. I cannot remember anything, so here is a summary of what I have been doing in no particular order:

-Visiting the Lupe in the city. Drinking wine on the beach. Devouring a whole pound of chicken strips. Waking up to tea and freshly baked chocolate croissants. Not ever wanting to leave.
-Work
-Wah Wah Exit Wound played in San Francisco with Times of Desperation at the Hemlock Tavern
-Wah Wah Exit Wound played with Times of Desperation and my pals Iguanadon at On the Y
-Lupe visiting us here, going to the river and the park, putting away wine and Mexican food all weekend
-Going to Tuesday night art party at Skinners and Kristie's, getting to see a sneak peak at what's going down at Upper Playground this month!
-An acidcop show Saturday night in Davis. This will definitely be interesting and scary.
-Times of Desperation lighting off fireworks in my heart tomorrow night at Gilman.
-So much other stuff, everything but a nap.

I've got youth on my side

Totally starting an etsy and making a website. Time to hustle.

digital=dead

Corine Sainte Ofle is so lovely. Even though she had to pack and jet away to France, she still came by work to hang out with Rob and I for a while. She took this Polaroid of me next to the drawing Nikki did of me in the bathroom at the J-Lo. It got me thinking of the land camera that I have been meaning to use. I also have a joy cam and a square shooter that I can't find film for.

I read that Polaroid is phasing out their film and so I bought a twin pack from Filco. Rob and I shot three pictures that all came out very dark. We finally realized that it needed a battery to calculate the exposure, although it was odd that we were still allowed to shoot pictures. So, we are now in the process of tracking down a 3 volt alkaline battery. Wish us luck!

I also want to get some of the 600 series film and a Polaroid one-step.

straight low key

I've been working night and day!!!
Alright, maybe not that much.
I saw a lovely fashion show and my friends have come by to visit me and nothing tops that!
Adjusting to getting up at 4:30 in the morning has really taken it out of me. I have hardly painted a thing! I did buy a huge piece of watercolor paper. I don't know how huge, but definitely larger than 18 x 24 inches.

do not worry my pet...

someone will save you




Recently someone let me know that they find my drawings of women to be interesting as they feel I might have empathy in my heart for women affected by abuse and domestic violence.

I have been thinking about this subject, and the subject of my art. It's not necessarily about domestic violence, although it certainly could be. For me, it's about women in trouble. It's too simple and I stick to this idea like glue, it's obsessive, I know. A women spattered in blood is more beautiful than a bloodied up man, a woman's look of horror is lovely, a man, not so much. The female figure is probably the most popular subject matter in art history. As a former fashion design student and a current art student, I feel it only natural to choose women over men. Fashion revolves around women, and fashion and aesthetics is the core of what I am all about.

Although, more than anything else I can think of I am completely inspired by this episode of Unsolved Mysteries I saw when I was a little girl. It horrified me in a different way than Halloween or a Nightmare on Elm Street because I knew it had really happened and the man who did it was most likely walking around, living, having a grand time. So....

A women makes friends with a man and brings him into her home. He beats her up and drags her body into the fireplace. He then brings her mattress into the living room and places it on top of her body. She was not dead at the time, but unconscious. He lights the mattress on fire. Naturally, they reenacted the whole event. I saw this episode a while back and of course, it didn't scare me like it did when I was young.

gotta straighten up your act and boogie down

Rob is play at Inferno Pizza on 16th and Broadway Friday night. If you live in Sacramento and you aren't busy you should come check them out! It's an early show.

Inferno is a wacky place. It looks like this everywhere!

This is a special message from Biaggio of Times of Desperation:
"Please note that this show starts at 6pm and needs to be done by 9pm. So, be sure to come early. Also, as usual, bring tons of weed. Especially for Roanoke. Touring bands need lot’s of weed and of course so do we."

This one of a few things I did last night. No big deal. Ok. Whatevurrrr. Her eyes are messed up. NOOOO! DON'T fucking LOOOK!!!

it's my factory

Rob and I met up with the St. Ofles at Temple last night. Temple is very nice, we haven't been there in a long time. We can't ever seem to remember where it is! We really had a such a wonderful time with them. We talked about all kinds of funny things. The St. Oh-Fool's are lovely and I can't wait to see them again! I felt especially good giving them my favorite painting ever.
After that, we secured some goods and went home. I hung out in Rob's studio and then went back to my own lair and worked on this:

I think it's my second favorite ever.

I got some dirt on my shoulder, could you brush it off for me?

I finally got in touch with my scanner, there is a whole mess of new stuff hurrrrr!


So, I am way behind in scanning stuff, I probably painted this two weeks ago.
It's been a long time.

NEXT!

Zombies, naturally. I am going to learn to perfect various levels of fleshly decay via watercolor action.

I love this man, no it's not Rob. It's TOM SAVINI!!! I like him because he doesn't just come in a make a head out of Styrofoam and light it on fire. He actually works with the directors and comes up with different, bruta, ways to totally destroy people. Needless to say, he earns his check. He fought in Vietnam and claims to use his first hand knowledge of carnage in his work.

Yes, I know..... now whatever you do just isn't as cool. Tom is the man.
He is the super special effects awesome make up totally gore master, you can see his work in:

Maniac: A really amazing movie. The head explosion scene is art! Hahaha!

Martin: His first collaboration with George A. Romero. A great movie, just alot of interesting things going on. I won't even tell you about it. George says it's still his favorite.

Dawn of the Dead: I don't have to tell you about this movie right? Nahhh! This is where he claims to have perfected a palette of severed limbs and bites. Funny Tom, I think I am just about to do the same!

Friday the 13th: At the very end of the movie, where Jason pops out and scares you. Tom's idea!


That's a very partial list, but here is his website, just in case you are hooked like I am.

and he voiced himself on the Simpson's in an episode called "Worst Episode Ever" Comic Book Guy has a heart attack while witnessing Tom Savini's work!

Tom Savini also has his own college for special effects arts.... and two books called Grande Illusions!

TEENAGERS listen up: Tom Savini is so much cooler than Tom that started myspace. Now you now.

sticky and sweet

Robert Rauschenberg:

It is truly sad that you are no longer with us. Thanks for everything.

Hey
you got it
if you want it
you're not taking a chance
with me!

why haven't you noticed that I'm dead?

NO
hella sick
and no
not SICK
but icky lame gross sick
so here is some stuff I like
as opposed to some stuff I did


How about that lovely square suitcase? Thank you Samsonite.

I love this American Tourister set. The small bag, train case, and hat box are lovely!

If I ever see this on eBay and someone outbids me, I will come to their town and KILL them! No one in whole world wants a Courreges camera more than me!


I love this one even more:

they came in a variety of colors

Oh, and the Lady Argus!




So, OH yeah, images.
I love this one of Sylvie Vartan!

and this illustration from Edith Head's book
if you don't know who she is
look her up
seriously.....I won't tell you! You deserve to love her for yourself. If you don't like her or find her totally important, well, fuck you chief.

If you have this pattern, can you send it to me? I can grade it up, bring it down, and drop it like it's hot.

and while we are wearing white and it's the sixties, isn't THIS the PERFECT outfit?

Texas is the reason!

A giant sinkhole is eating Texas up, oil fields and all. I could NOT be more pleased. It's at least the size of two football fields and isn't expected to stabilize for another two weeks!

Come on Texas, what did you think? Did you think that the earth was just going let you sit there and keep doing the things you are doing? Texas is a toilet and now the earth is flushing it.


I gave Rob a totally rockin' hair cut and now I am going to give myself one too. Hopefully.

I am with you in the darkness waiting.

I love days like this. I sat on my friends porch this afternoon while it sprinkled, it was nice.

I have some paintings I am working on right now, when they are finished I will post some scans in this post.

I did a little something special for Michelle. She will get it in the mail, I am sending it out tomorrow.

So, Rob M. has a blog. It's not for the faint of heart, but it's very well written. Witty and concise. It is everything that this blog isn't. You'll find it especially entertaining if you live, or ever have lived, in Sacramento. He doesn't post as often as I do, but when he does it's really fun:

http://childcareandmeth.blogspot.com/

he also has a new musical project:

http://www.myspace.com/shewantsmoney

see what I mean?

hot to annihilate

I am just about to finish a super undercover exciting lovely project for a lovely friend.
Aside from that:

SO, I got this new watercolor paper.
I've been wanting to try it because it's square shaped, six by six inches.
First of all, I thought it was a watercolor block, and it wasn't. It was wrapped up in plastic and appeared to be a block, but it was just a pad! Disappointing.
Second problem, my ink bleeds. HUGE problem. On the cover it says "suitable for watercolor, goauche, ink, and acrylic"
I have to use micron pens on this paper. Ick. Cartiera Magnani, no thanks. I will use what I have and return to my beloved arches.
Check it out:

MCMLXXXIV

Tomorrow is my birthday.


I was recently interviewed by Kristin of DTK, here.
Your birthday present to me is that you are going to read it! HA!

She has an incredible blog where she posts tons of great photos and information. I love to see what inspires her. I always feel honored to see my work there. I had the pleasure of meeting her several years ago, and I stay in touch with her. Now more than ever, in fact. We truly share the same loves and passions.

I really love her sense of style too, it absolutely comes through in every thing she does. Kristin is style.


I have always thought that 1984 was an awesome year. Here are some reasons why:

• this guy has a heart attack on live television on my birthday!!!! creepy.
• even stranger, on Rob's birthday in 1984 a factory robot crushes a real factory worker to death in what appears to be the first robot related death
  
• Van Halen 1984, need I say more?
  
• the nightstalker kills his first victim
• Judas Priest releases Defenders of the Faith
  
• for the first time ever some ladies walk around in space
• the crack epidemic begins in LA and soon spreads across nation
• Punky Brewster premiers
• Ronald Reagen does all kinds of crazy shit
• a haunted castle ride at Six Flags theme park burns down killing 8
  
• the first Apple home computer goes on sale
  
• Nightmare on Elm Street is released. Yes!
  
• Michael Jackson badly burns scalp during Pepsi commercial shoot. Bummer.
  
• Styx breaks up. YES! if you want to know why I hate Styx, I will tell you, but you have to ask.
• Def Lepard guy loses his arm. Ouch. They suck hella bad.
• Yngwie Malmsteen's Rising Force releases Yngwie Malmsteen's Rising Force.
• Francoise Truffaut dies. This is so sad.
• Cannibal Holocaust is released.
  
• Madonna Like a Virgin. I liked her better when she was like a virgin, versus the old worn out attention hungry whore that she is now.
  
• Queensryche releases the Warning. Someone should have given them some warning, the album after that one is bad. Oh so bad.
• SKINNY PUPPY releases REMISSION!!! why didn't my parents play this next to my crib every night?
• Okay, now you know 1984 was a tight year for music: The Smiths release their self-titled album, which is my favrite. They also released Hatful of Hollow.
• the Scorpion's release Love at First Sting. The song "bad boys running wild" is so amazing. The song "rock you like a hurricane" is not.
• Cinnamon toast crunch is introduced.
• DOKKEN releases Tooth and Nail. RATT release OUT OF THE CELLAR. Incredible.

dead daughter in the river

click on this dead bitch

eyes that hardly ever saw the sun

SO, I am back from the great north by northwest.
Well, what the fuck?
I wish I was still up there!
Yeah, and don't give me that bit about the weather because I totally hate the sun and I always have.

Instead of being my normal cynical bad-natured self, I feel cool about being back.

I just can't wait to move up there. The hard work that Rob and I put in here will pay off.
I wonder how those adorable St. Ofles keep coming back from Paris! Paris probably kicks the shit out of Seattle and it just goes without saying that it's way better than Sacramento. I really liked Portland too, the people up North seem really chill and totally FRIENDLY! I cannot tell you how much it caught me off guard to have girls just come up and start talking to me. I met so many amazing people there.

There will mad picturage coming tonight.

Right now I am off to the tattoo parlor......

HAHA! just to watch.....just to watch....

you watched as it came tumbling down

you watched as it came tumbling down
Originally uploaded by jessica m

Another lame illustration Friday.
I am out of town in 1, 2, 3!

I love Ministry, but only the album With Sympathy and the songs they wrote before it.

Amazing!



Goodbye California!

mystery bruise

mystery bruise
Originally uploaded by jessica m

This was supposed to look like my lovely lady Kristin, but for some reason it didn't come out the way I envisioned. It doesn't matter because there is much Kristin inspired art coming in the future. I have so many of her photos saved it's ridiculous!

I actually got so much done this week, but packing and getting ready for my north by northwest adventure has had me kind of caught up.


I read this spooky story when I was really young about a girl who always wore a ribbon around her neck. One day someone pulled the ribbon from her neck and her head fell off and rolled across the floor.

If I still had my dear PSP, I would write blog entries while I was away, but someone broke it. Now I cannot look at porn in the coffeehouse and giggle. Now I cannot check the weather, unless I do it at home. I miss my PSP internet, movie, music, and game playin.

Supersecret: I enjoy GTA San Andreas. I should not even have time for that shit.

pour tuer et créer

So, I cannot find my battery charger or my other set of batteries. I need both to use my camera again. I have large drawings to photograph, mystery notes to do, and we are leaving soon to go up north. I pretty much need to find these things NOW.

I recently had the pleasure of seeing my long lost best friend Lupe. She is amazing. I love her. I cannot wait to see her again. I am going with her to get her next tattoo, it's going to be gorgeous!

la fille avec toi

I don't like easter. Sorry Jesus, furreal.

sizzurp

What would I do without the hip-hop community? I mean it, I really do.

A while back my little sister had some codeine cough syrup. She hated it because it had the same taste and consistency of shampoo. Now, neither of us drink shampoo, it's just what I imagine it would taste like. I liked it because it didn't make my stomach hurt, like codeine pills do. I think it made Rob hallucinate once.

All this time I equated "purple drank" with the stuff at the stores that's purple sugar and doesn't cost as much as grape juice, I was so wrong. "Purple drank" is really codeine cough syrups, as well as a variety of other cough syrups and cough syrup cocktail concoctions. How did this escape my attention?

Purple Drank



I am sure that high school kids everywhere are trying their hardest to fake Bronchitis!

the heavy, heavy weight of an invisible anxiety

the heavy, heavy weight of an invisible anxiety
Originally uploaded by jessica m

I never do anything for illustration Friday. I think it's dumb. If I do, it's all posthumous attribution.

I got illustration attitude via Flickr, for doing this. I guess I am supposed to create something new with the illustration Friday topic in mind. I can't attribute the topic to something I have already done. I can't break the rules, and there are oh so many rules. I have never been good with rules, organization, or tags. Tags.....are stupid. As if a title and description isn't enough, we need more vocabulary. Oh, and the image has to be relevant to the topic by their standards, not mine.

I guess illustrators and artists are two totally different breeds. If I can't get through the eighteen plus projects currently rolling around in my head and on my desk, how I am going to do a piece of work revolving around one word, in only a few days?

Maybe an illustrator can do that, maybe I could do that in illustrator? Maybe I'm not an illustrator, and all of these illustrations I have done are just drawings. I could care less.

The illustration Friday topics are always so fucking cheesy and G-rated! Garden, plain, heavy, leap, soar, stitch, blanket. Illustration Friday is a wet-dream for unambitious graphic designers and illustrators of mediocre children's books.

If they ever decided to have grown up topics I would participate more often. These are several topics that would make it much easier for me to participate:

death
whore house
overdose
blood
anxiety
euphoria
fear
methadone
adult
etiquette
opiate
despair
atrophy
sedation
holiday
depravation
transportation
apathy
sex
nakedness
regret
conspiracy
autoscopy
woman in trouble
degradation
obscenity
addiction
insatiable lust
intense greed
mania
appetite

I need to start my own subversive illustration Friday for grownup's with bad thoughts and horrible habits.

So, if you're reading this. I have used illustration Friday, broke the rules, and now I admit this is a meek attempt at luring people to my blog.

Let the hatin' begin, or the complete silence, perhaps.

their mouths full of wishes

One of the advantages of being with someone for a long time, is that you can sense when they are going to do something totally goofy. You learn to just roll with it.

We had a fantastic weekend, and when you find yourself temporarily unemployed the weekend starts on Thursday.

So, Thursday Times of Desperation played at R5 on Thursday night. I finally got to meet Skinner's lady, and she is a delight!
I took several digital video clips of them playing, I was going upload one, but I decided I would let Rob do that here.

Yes, that is right Rob M. has a blog! In the above picture, he is the one with the beard! It's about music and his daily struggles with things that I barely understand. It's interesting and well-written, and I am not even saying that because I like him, or even because he likes me. The way his brain works is fascinating. He is a great photographer too, yes, Rob, you, upload, now.

So, I had two very close friends who had birthdays recently. They're family to me, in fact, they know this blog exists, whereas my real family does not (with the exception of my sister with the golden hair). I decided to do a painting for Lady C. for her birthday, and I did a drawing for Biaggio.

I didn't want to scan them, but I took a few pictures so I could look at them. I worked really hard on my art nouveau style smoke coming out of that joint. Hell yes, ladies and gentlemen, it's a joint. It's distorted because of the crappy lens on my exquisite camera. That's Playboy's Miss May 1955.

For the lady of the house, I painted one of her photos. How did she take a picture in outer space? It's her secret. It came out neat, with all kinds of textures and layers that won't show up in this photo, for sure. I am still going to do one more for her. It's a pretty big deal for me to do these for them, because I totally love them and I seem to be really bad at giving people art.
It only works if it isn't their idea for me to make it in the first place. No one in my family ever wants anything I draw, they always want me to draw something for them.

So, today I have a flier to finish before I get deep into some work I am doing for Kristin. I love Kristin because her loves are my loves, and we always seem to be on the same pages about how things ought to be done.
She has let me pillage her collection of photos and now I am so up to my neck in pure inspiration that the only way out is to draw until my hands fall off! I imagine that I will spend the rest of the day here:
You can't tell but there is a drafting table in the lower left corner. Don't you love my photographic slight of hand? It's not photoshop, my hand just covered up half the flash!


Oh, I finally finished watching Naked Lunch. It was wonderful. I watched almost all of it last week, but I was fucked up on Valium and couldn't remember whole parts of the movie!

Anyway, I strongly advocate the hat and suit approach to mens fashion. Come on, if you are a reasonably cool, creative, interesting, dude who just happens to be getting up there in age, what better way to separate yourself from aging bro's and men who dress like little boys, than to go all out in a suit and hat?

I am always on the block.

hot blonde
Originally uploaded by jessica m

I did this a few days ago.

This is my first experience using a watercolor block, and I love it. I have a 6x9 Canson block, it's okay. I like the Arches better, even though I noticed that they're made by Canson.

Thursday

THURSDAY night Times of Desperation are playing with Iguanadon at R5 on Broadway. It will surely slay. It is free. It is all ages.

It makes me hella happy to know that my real life friend Catherine occasionally peeks at my stuff. Including this blog. Hi Catherine! Yes, you.

Cathrn, this is for you. It's a Hustler pictorial.

Some of us don't know the value of the hustle. Not the dance, but the lifestyle. Sometimes you can't understand the value of hustling, because you were raised in a "middle-I mean upper-middle class family." Some of us know she may not be perfect, but she has perfected the art of female hustlin'. She's one of the wealthiest female entrepreneurs ever! She wrote a book, she invented a fashion line or five, she has a show!

Some of us that like hustlin', probably like weed too, and sometimes get arrested. Oops girl, no biggie. Cutest mugshot ever.
Some of us don't know the value of a hand-made, custom designed Louis Vuitton bag, or even a whole closet full. Though I would say, in the millions? Some of us don't know that Louis Vuitton's monogram first appeared in 1895. Girls who want to wear vintage Chanel probably don't know that LV brought back the logo at Audrey Hepburn's request in 1963. They probably only know about it because Marc Jacobs brought it back in 2001.

Just one of KLS' closets, how about the chandelier? You know you're classy when you have a chandelier in your closet, or your bathroom.

Speaking of Chanel: KLS' first modeling contract had her hustling the runway in Paris at age 14, exclusively under the direction of Karl Lagerfield for none other than Chanel!
Some of us might find it totally obnoxious that she uses herself as primary mode of promotion for her clothing lines. However, when you are a hustler and a super-model, what better way is there to represent your company? Maybe some people find this obnoxious because KLS has long legs and big titties. Not everyone is blessed with the ample femininity of KLS! Some of us have the figure of a four year old little boy.

So, she might not come off as particularly smart, but maybe that's part of her business plan. I mean, she has to have some sort of a business plan, look at her!

She is an inspiration to me, it might not come across in my art work, but you'll see it when the day comes that my bathroom has a chandelier, and you'll know that I'm a hustler (or that I went to Ikea, or both.)